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I am a Bad Person

September 30, 2011

This is

the story

of

the worst

thing

I have ever

done.

 

In October 2010

I was working on

a reasonably impressive

drug habit.

I was primarily using

pharmaceutical opiates

such as

oxycodone

hydrocodone (Vicodin)

codeine

and

morphine.

My parents became

aware

of this.

And,

as I had been told on multiple

occasions,

they were not

okay

with

me

living with them

and

using drugs.

So

basically

when they learned

of my

(current)

drug use

they were forced to offer me

a choice

of whether

I wanted to continue

my

drug use

or

live with

them.

I chose

the former.

I had nowhere

to

go

and was basically

committing

myself

to

a life as a

homeless

drug addict.

We had an old dog

a beautiful

red-bone coon-hound

who was very

sick.

Basically

we all knew

that

it was only a matter of

time

before

we would have to

put her to

sleep

just to put her

out of

her

misery.

The night that

I

left

was

the same night

that they had

our dog

put down.

She was

a member

of

our family

and

she died

that night.

I don’t know

exactly

how

my parents felt

about

my

leaving

to go continue

my

drug abuse,

but

a psychiatrist

once told my parents

that

my drug use

was likely

to end in

intravenous

heroin

addiction

and

an untimely

death.

So

I suspect

that

when I left

my parents

basically

felt like

they had

lost

me.

And

I imposed this

feeling

upon them

the same night

that

they lost

our

beloved

dog.

I have to imagine

that

this

was

the worst

night

of

their

lives.

And half of

the awfulness

of

that

night

was

because

I

decided

to be

selfish.

I can never

make up

for

the pain

that

I must have

caused

my family.

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3 Comments
  1. I hope you have reconnected with them. I did something along the same lines years ago and like you have my regrets.

  2. picturestellstoriess permalink

    ^ I’m so happy for you!

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